Politician, feminist and poet Dr. Stella Nyanzi has wrote an emotional message appreciating her ex husband Ousman after visiting their three children for the first time in 15 years. Stella Nyanzi has three children one daughter and a set of twin boys but none of the children knew anything about their father. For the daughter she had last seen her father at two years and twins they had never seen their father as they were born in Uganda in his absence.
Outspoken Stella Nyanzi moved her children to Germany for better education and good life as she moves around the world working. And the children saw an opportunity to meet their father physically in her absence which they did. Stella Nyanzi went to her social media platforms thanking Ousman for meeting the children and having got time with them both the sad and good stories he had for them.
“Thank you for sharing your stories of pain, advice, warnings, e-hugs and love with me in my in-box this week. Your shared tears were healing for me, as well. People who have been my Facebook friends for long know how and why I parted with my children’s father over 15 years ago. He chose to remain in the UK and apply for asylum on grounds of sexual orientation, when my student visa for the PhD expired. I returned home to Uganda with Baraka, our two-year-old daughter and a three-months’ pregnancy with the twins.
My parents and sisters took me back. I bore the twins as prematures in my father’s private hospital. My father and mother adopted my three children and I; allowing me time off to go back to being an international academic scholar who travelled all over the world in order to secure my finances well enough to provide for the children. My family raised my children as I flew from one international conference to another, as I undertook one international research project after another, as I applied for and won one international research grant after another. My father loaned me a lot of money in the early days when the children were little and sickly. I never paid back the money before his death. My mother was the hands-on carer who nurtured and loved and cared for my children until her dying day.
It was difficult to be a single mother. There were seasons I cried. However, I was lucky to have had help from my family and friends. My mother taught me to establish friendships with key suppliers of services I needed for the children’s wellbeing. School bursars became my friends because I was always in debt over school fees! They gave me lenient slower payment options that allowed me to deposit instalments every month. Shopkeepers in every neighbourhood we lived became my friends because I kept a debt book with them. The children would get whatever they needed from the shops on credit, and I paid my debts with the shopkeepers at the end of month when my salary came. This was my routine in each neighbourhood where I got a family clinic, barber, saloon, electrician, plumber, even bodaboda riders. I made firm friendships for survival and sustenance of my single-mum-headed household.
After a while, I enjoyed being a single mum because I instilled in my children the values that I believe in. I taught them how to live simply, contentedly and with joy. I taught them to love each other and value family. I taught them to stand up for our values and speak out against injustices. They taught me to love, defend and protect them without hope of delegating responsibility. I learnt to trust them totally because I have taught them everything I believe in and stand for.
It is in my three children’s desire for wholeness that I am now able to recognise why it was important for them to physically reconnect with their missing father. They asked him to cancel his hotel booking so that he could spend more time with them sleeping in our home. Does it hurt that he was missing for fifteen years? Perhaps. However, it is also very comforting for me to know that their unanswered questions about their paternal side can now begin getting resolution. My children will be healthier because they are now reconnected to their father. I can now die in peace because my last pending debt was cleared when Ousman reunited with his children in our lifetime.
And I am glad that they accompanied him to the airport to take that return flight out of my home, out of my city of exile, and out of Bavaria. Tomorrow, when I fly back home, I will live my life as though he was never there….,” Dr. Stella Nyanzi posted
